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I have few natural talents, but producing anxiety is right up there. It doesn’t take much to get the hamster wheel spinning – a medical test, taking a flight, meeting a new group of people. But having had this affliction all my life, I’ve gotten (if not good) at least better about relieving the rat-a-tat of my nervous heart. Here are seven things that help bring on (somewhat) calmness…

Getting out with people – Sometimes a trip to the local coffee shop is all it takes. There’s something about the energy of other humans, hearing them talk and laugh, that helps ease tension. Anxiety can be lonely. You think you’re the only one who’s stressed, but getting out among others can be soothing, if not distracting. I always feel better when I do.

Pink tulips – I don’t know why, but these flowers perk me up. I’m also not sure why I prefer pink to red, yellow, or lavender, but I do. Their beauty is fleeting, a week at the most, and then their petals start dropping to my kitchen counter. But while here, they remind me of the lush, natural world that exists just beyond the door. They help me see how my problems, although big to me, don’t matter in the vast, eternal world of nature. Somehow pink tulips put life in perspective.

Writing – The other day I was jittery, waiting for results on a medical test. (They came. I’m fine). Next to a turbulent flight, nothing – and I mean nothing — puts me in a tizzy more than this. I always imagine the worst. And yet the other day, I began writing in my journal and got so immersed, I forgot to worry – at least for a while. I was amazed how putting pen to paper helped get all those scared, tangled musings down in front of me, and somehow more at a distance. 

Surrender – In the Civil War movie “Dances with Wolves” soldier Kevin Costner, rather than have his leg amputated, chooses to die in battle. At one point, he ends up riding between the two armies with both sides shooting at him. Instead of fighting back, he lets go of the reins and throws his arms out as if to say, “God, you decide.” Strangely, he lives. Sometimes we have no choice, but to toss our fate to the winds. Accepting no control can bring a strange sense of peace.

Talking to my husband, Randy – – My husband is the greatest “minimizer” I know. No matter the problem, he’s usually able to brush it off, sometimes with a laugh. “Laurie, you’ll be fine,” has been a familiar refrain throughout our marriage. And even though Randy doesn’t really know I’ll be fine, it helps to hear his “accessing the odds” pep talks. And yes, there have been problems we weren’t able to laugh off, but somehow they worked themselves out too. I’m always amazed at Randy’s ability to distance himself from his nerves.

Anything (even dumb, little things) that take us out of ourselves – Ever get so engrossed in online scrabble or making that certain marinara sauce that you forget what’s eating you? How freeing that feels, even for a few moments. I think our minds are like bloodhounds. They need something to focus on, to go after. Otherwise, if left idle, they fret and whine. I’ve learned to feed my brain with work as much as possible when worry looms. It keeps those hounds at bay.

Silence – Nothing puts us in the moment like quiet. Sometimes in the car I’ll turn off the radio. Immediately I’m more present. I notice that cat sitting on the side of the road. I see how the clouds look a certain way. I take in the beautiful light. There’s something peaceful in silence and many believe, it’s where we find God.

Which leads me to wonder…does anxiety serve a purpose?

As hard as nervousness is, maybe it’s good for us to be pulled kicking and screaming out of our daily lives. There’s nothing like a big dose of tension to go running gratefully back to the things you thought drove you crazy.

Or maybe it’s good to help us realize that underneath all that quivering and shaking, we’re brave after all. We get on that plane. We take that medical test. We show up with that new group of people. We do what we’re afraid to do. Maybe anxiety is useful for teaching us we have more courage than we know.

Maybe that hamster wheel is there for a reason.

 

How do you handle worry? Comments are always welcome and if you like, please share.

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Comments(66)

  1. I needed this today. I’m a past master at the art of worrying. I learned t from my mother, who was a sensei of the skill.
    I, too have my techniques for handling said worry. Most include some form of prayer! 🙂
    I and also (like you) blessed with a Husby who can explain away my fears. And does. Whew!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Diane, Sounds like you have the same arsenal I do. Yes, I feel between my mother and nervous Swedish grandmother, I didn’t stand a chance in the worry department!

  2. I feel all the same things
    Actually every day for me feels like a mental, emotional, physical and spiritual workout.

    Living with colour sensitivity, having a child with colour sensitivity at the other end of the colour spectrum in a world where no-one seems to have heard of colour sensitivity, life is a worry!

    But sometimes I wonder if I enjoy the workout. The harder my life gets, the greater the mission and the more alive I seem to feel!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Jennie, I have to confess I never heard of it either! I’m sure color sensitivity is quite challenging in this “in your face” world. I’ll go study on it. Thank you.

        • Jennie Williams

        • 5 years ago

        Laurie, it is not a ‘heard of’ thing. The closest I can find is Irlen Syndrome but for us colour changes all the time quite dramatically through the seasons according to the light and sometimes our brain reacts to what colours and patterns we see setting off nervous system symptoms. If you are interested, I have some anecdotal articles on my website.

          • Laurie Stone

          • 5 years ago

          Jennie, Read some of your posts and they’re fascinating! Never knew there was so much science to color. I’ll have to pay more attention to my own reactions on days when I feel “off” and don’t know why.

          1. Oh Laurie, Thanks so much for your response.
            I didn’t know anything about it either until a year and a half ago. I was just always feeling out of sorts and after many years of therapy and finding my way to be happy with myself I couldn’t understand why I still had so many strange symptoms. Now I know why, life is so much better. I really feel that I am doing the best I can do with all the challenges. And for us try hards and perfectionists that is important. 😉 My extended family have distanced themselves though and colour sensitivity has been one step too far for them. It is quite a lonely path. Actually it was my mother who recommended your blog. She said that she thought she had found someone who thinks a bit like me!! Take that as you will 😀

            • Laurie Stone

            • 5 years ago

            Good luck on your journey, Jennie. We all have to be true to ourselves.

  3. How do I handle worry? First I should say I am a world class worrier. My parents taught me well! But then I look at their lives and see how worry has made their lives so much smaller… Every time I find myself worrying these days I try to remind myself that I have had a wonderful life so far and if I died today I have been so fortunate compared to every other person I know. My life is great and gratitude really works for me. Try this short video sometimes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Zl9puhwiyw It always works for me!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Wow, Laura. Loved this video so much. Thank you. And you’re right. Worrying does make life smaller.

      1. Wow from me too.
        A beautiful video. 🙂

          • Laurie Stone

          • 3 years ago

          Thank you, Jennie!

  4. My Mother was a huge worrier and passed on to me some of that which I have had to overcome. I still am not good about driving in bad snowy weather but luckily I don’t have that monkey rear it’s head too often living in Oregon. I try to not speculate without all the facts and research crazy things to verify crazy or not and just control what I can control. That said, my husband is a world class worrier and none of my logic really helps him. His attitude is worry the worst outcome and if the worst scenario doesn’t happen, ease up a bit!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Haralee, Stress is such a big part of our world, I admire people who are able to take it in stride. I think the more sensitive of us tend to be bigger worriers.

  5. Brilliant post, Laurie! Your points are spot on for most of us. I have the jittery “medical test” anxiety and no one to tell me, “Everything will be alright.” Even though they may be telling us what we want to hear, they open the door for us to believe they’re right. After James died, I dropped a lot of my anxieties because I realized I was worrying about all of the wrong things. I worried about him getting home, safely, navigating a long, dark, twisty country road. I prayed God would see him safely home, but I never worried about him taking a walk on our ranch. I never prayed that God would see him safely back to the house. It was a huge wakeup call to let go of those things that don’t serve me well, and I think I have… All except medical test results and turbulent air at 30,000 feet.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Brenda, I’m so sorry about your beloved James. You’re right, its the out-of-the-blue-accidents that we can never see around the corner. Maybe all we can do is accept and take what comes.

    • crystal

    • 5 years ago

    I deal with anxiety on an almost daily basis. Can’t say that I did (or as much) when I was younger. You’re right, the simplest things can set it off! I hope to get control over it before it takes over!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Crystal, I’ve always been a worrier, and some things are definitely triggers. I think surrender gives me the greatest solace.

    • Jody

    • 5 years ago

    I used to worry a lot. I’ve found that taking a drive really helps me. Nothing on the highway, though. That’s where the maniacs live.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Jody, Laughing since highways are the opposite of non-worry. But yes, some of our beautiful back country roads are perfect for that. Maybe I’ll take a ride today…

    • Barbara

    • 5 years ago

    I love your ideas. Anxiety, worry really kicks my butt.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Mine too, Barbara. Only seems to get worse as I get older.

    • Barbara

    • 5 years ago

    Being still, silence speaks to me, ha. Really good ideas. Anxiety is not fun.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Barbara, Silence can be so soothing. I try and seek it out.

  6. This is an excellent list for those with anxiety. I especially like “silence” which is a great way to calm yourself down and move forward in meditation.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Jennifer, Silence is precious in this increasingly-loud world. I cherish it.

  7. Great article. I often take off my hearing devices to just hear “my world within.”

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Mary, That sounds very soothing.

      1. You shared so many good ideas that will help people to worry less or to stop worrying. Iam a church girl so whenever I start to worry about things I think, “let go and let God.” It is similar to the surrender you talked about with Kevin Costner in the movie. Worry does me no good so I try to get away from it as soon as possible every time it rears its head.

          • Laurie Stone

          • 3 years ago

          Yes, turning to God is vital. For me, that’s going out in nature where I find myself closest to that eternal, ever-present source. You sound like a wise woman, Janeane.

  8. I think worry (and stress) is really bad for our health. I try to keep busy so I don’t worry. I find getting out (and out of my head) is the best medicine. Also my kids calm me down. So well written.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, Thanks for the kind words and couldn’t agree more about keeping busy. It makes all the difference.

  9. I meditate. It works really well when I ‘m anxious. Also helps in so many other ways too.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, I have to do that more. Just being quiet can be so soothing.

  10. This is a good post to read during the coronavirus crisis. I have times when I am anxious and worry too much. I am terrified of flying and put some Scripture on a card I keep in my wallet, and which I read in airports. Several were Psalms and one of my favorites is from Jesus Do not worry about your life … Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:25, 27 I hope someone will find this helpful. Love your ideas in this post.

    1. Hi Terra, I have been thinking of verses too. This is one I like.

      “When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm”

      It always comes back to me in difficult times.

      I have been thinking that I don’t share much about my faith these days but there is something about difficult times that makes you want to do it.

        • Laurie Stone

        • 4 years ago

        Jennie, I love that verse. So many beautiful ones are in the bible.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Terra, Glad this post resonated. I think many people are feeling the heeby-jeebies right now. Who can blame us?

    2. I do. Thanks you 🙂

        • Laurie Stone

        • 3 years ago

        Jennie, Sounds like you’re doing well.

  11. Thanks for this. I don’t become anxious easily but when I do find myself wrapped in it, I turn to similar techniques.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Pennie, Glad they help for you too.

  12. Ok. Pink tulips Must find them!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Carol, They’re so beautiful.

  13. Anxiety definitely has a purpose for me, it’s my organizational tool. But without a doubt, distractions like reading, writing, and baking are necessary to not drowning in it. The important thing is to do exactly what you do in this piece, identify your coping mechanisms.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Karen, I’ve had years of practice!

  14. And LIFE just seems to add another layer, doesn’t it? Worrying about my worriers today…

    1. Sometimes at the moment I am worrying about not worrying about global things! I feel I have to live my life and it is complicated enough as it is. I just haven’t got room for extra worry but I think it could be seen as an ‘I’m alright Jack’ attitude. :/

        • Laurie Stone

        • 3 years ago

        Jennie, I think it’s wise not to take on the world too much, especially now. Things are hard enough for us sensitives.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Oh Diane, You have good cause to worry for us on election day, and things still aren’t settled.

  15. People assume that because I’m an extrovert I don’t get anxious or have anxiety, but I can and do. Especially when I am heading into what I consider stressful social situations. What really helps me is to listen to music in my car, blasting and singing to my heart’s content. A new nail polish helps too. Or a massage.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Lauren, I think it’s human to have anxiety. Yes, listening to music can be very helpful. Love singing in the car.

  16. Maybe you are right. Boy, at that time no idea how many opportunities for anxiety would come in the future.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Carol, That’s for sure.

  17. I mostly feel like worry is waste, but I like the idea of channeling the anxiety and putting it to work. When I feel worried or anxious, I generally do that self talk. “Oh! So, I tripped on a trigger. Let’s see what it is.” I suppose we can allow it to teach us more about ourselves.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Pennie, I love that. Looking at worry as a trigger helps us become more self-aware. Nice.

  18. Why couldn’t I master a different skill!
    Has it something to do with having Swedish Grandmothers that we excel at this?
    Sigh.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Diane, Laughing. No doubt!

  19. Writing is so helpful isn’t it? It’s a miracle when you look up from your pen and paper and realize that an hour has passed with nary an anxious thought:) I wrote my way through a cancer diagnosis because I didn’t really know what else to do, now that I look back I see how much it saved my sanity. Xo

      • Laurie Stone

      • 9 months ago

      Marnie, That must’ve been a scary time, but thank God you had your writing to pull you through. I believe having that passion is a gift.

  20. Your list mostly works for me, but I have to avoid silence at tense times, or my mind goes in the wrong direction. Calming or happy music is one of my tools for dealing with anxiety.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 months ago

      Joy, Yes, beautiful music definitely helps.

  21. We have similar anxieties…. and similar spouses!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 months ago

      Carol, No doubt, we do!

  22. i watch ASMR videos on Tik Tok to alleviate stress!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 months ago

      Marcia, Wow! I’ll have to try those. I watch beautiful videos on Instagram. They help me relax.

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